Normally I don’t post about LGBT discourse but I’ve had to start today, because this is still something that has to be said. I guess the internet will never run out of clowns.
There has been a bit of a controversial opinion going around on LGBT Twitter. That is, as the title says, that “bisexual lesbian” is a valid label and not a complete oxymoron.
As a lesbian myself, I found this the complete opposite of a hot take. I’ve struggled with my identity and attraction – or, rather, lack thereof – to men since I realised I might be a lesbian, as well as experiencing compulsory heterosexuality (or as it’s more commonly know, comp het) that made me fully question my sexuality and think I was bi at some points. Despite all this, I’ve identified as a lesbian for nearly a year and a half now.
This is why this new… opinion (I’m not really sure what to call it) makes me so angry. It is equally harmful to both bi women and lesbians, while making WLW questioning their identity, like I was for so long, even more confused.
Bi women are being told by this that they have to pick a side or that they’re just confused, as using lesbian and bisexual in the same label implies that bi women who have a preference for women need an entirely new label, or that they’ve picked a side – liking women. This reinforces old biphobic rhetoric that I thought we as a community had moved on from.
Lesbians are being told that it’s possible for them to like men, which is a huge problem since anyone who uses the label lesbian has no attraction to men. I feel so comfortable with the label lesbian because it’s the one label that does not involve attraction to men. I need that. I have no attraction to men whatsoever, and I need a label like lesbian. It also reinforces lesbophobic rhetoric that lesbians just haven’t met the right man, which, again, I thought this community had left behind.
It’s also a complete oxymoron as you simply cannot be a lesbian – a woman/woman aligned person who is solely attracted to other women – and bisexual – someone who experiences attraction to men. Normally, I’d ignore the “words have meanings!¡!” argument because it’s usually used by truscum because they don’t understand nonbinary lesbians and isn’t backed up by any other evidence or any sort of argument, but this time I have to.
Saying these things, which make it seem like lesbians can be attracted to men, is incredibly harmful to us. No lesbian wants attention from a man who has sexual or romantic intentions. Corrective r*pe has affected lesbians when men try to “turn them straight” and is a horrific ordeal. The concept of bisexual lesbians is increasing this lesbophobic rhetoric that lesbians can have attraction to men or can be “turned straight”, which could lead to an increase in corrective r*pe.
From what I can gather (although the supporters of this seem to have no real arguments at all), the main argument for the adoption of this term is that labels and sexuality are fluid. This is fine – if you don’t want to identify with a label I respect that, as certain people can find them restrictive. However, some of us like to use labels, and don’t want people for whom those labels aren’t for to use them.
A more extreme example of this is if straight people started using the Q slur as a label, as some LGBT people have started to do. LGBT people can reclaim this slur if they want to, but for straight people to do that would be out of line as it was never used as a slur against them. They cannot reclaim it or use it as a label. A bit like a bi woman, who has attraction to men, using the label lesbian.
There is also a double standard in that people have been saying for a long time that lesbian is too restrictive and we shouldn’t block off the possibility of being attracted to men, or some other bullshit. These people also use the Q slur as a label, which I personally disagree with very much, but that’s a topic for another post. Now, these people are saying that non lesbians can use the label, which is the same sort of backward rhetoric.
Firstly, if you’re not a lesbian, please stop telling us who can & can’t use our label and any problems you have with it. Actual lesbians are fine with it. Secondly, this double standard is basically saying that identifying as a lesbian is a bad thing, unless it’s convenient for your shitty rhetoric about how all labels should be fluid & sexuality should always be fluid, or whatever y’all are arguing.
There is also an argument that draws from LGBT history, that because bisexual is a relatively new term and in the past any woman who liked women used the term lesbian. Well, guess what? It isn’t the past anymore! Y’all can use the term bisexual now if you’re attracted to more than one gender.
Also, yes, words can change meanings and language evolves, but we’re all pretty happy with the meaning of the word lesbian! Can we please have just one word for ourselves? It’s not much (because butch and femme are too much to ask for)!
There’s also the good ol’ split attraction model argument. In my opinion, the split attraction model is valid for ace & aro people to use. For example, someone might be asexual and biromantic, so they’d have to use the split attraction model to define their identity. However, for those of us who experience sexual attraction, splitting sexual and romantic attraction can stop lesbians figuring out their identity and being confused by comp het, and gives us terms like biromantic homosexual, which is simply incorrect. You cannot be homosexual if you experience any sort of attraction to the opposite gender.
According to a tweet I found, bisexual lesbian doesn’t make people think lesbians are attracted to men. So, what is the point of the term? I really hope someone angrily comments under this post that I’ve completely misunderstood it, because I don’t understand why people are trying to use this term. No one seems to be able to tell me what the actual meaning of it is.
I’m done looking at bullshit on Twitter for the night, and I think I’ve covered everything, so I’m about to rush a conclusion. The term bisexual lesbian is harmful to lesbians and bi women, an oxymoron, could make more non lesbians think that lesbians can be attracted to men or turned straight, and is confusing to young lesbians trying to figure out their identity when they’re confused by comp het.
God, I need a break from Twitter.
No One Cares, Freya 