Talking about politics isn’t something I usually do on this blog, but due to recent events and responses to them that have been playing on my mind I felt the need to write this post and get it off my chest. This post is also written from a “capitalism bad” (in the simplest possible terms) perspective, and will feature a lot of criticism of capitalism, but I’m sure you could tell that from the title of the post. Conservatives and liberals begone.

I will also be referencing and criticising “the system” a lot during this piece (is it a piece of writing? An essay? Or is it a rant? I’m going to say piece, since it sounds better). This refers to a combination of businesses, the government, and capitalism as a whole — all the things that rule most of the world, particularly the western world.

Anyway, let’s get into it. To start, what even is consumer activism? It’s defined by Wikipedia as “a process by which activists seek to influence the way in which goods or services are produced or delivered”, but in simple terms, it involves boycotting brands and trying to make a change by using the system to do it. If you came here because of the title, you’re probably expecting me to dunk the hell out of this (very liberal) concept, and I hopefully won’t disappoint.

A message perpetuated by the system that is crucial to consumer activism as a concept is that individuals’ choices have a tangible impact on the earth and society. This is especially due to the rise of climate activism, which is why I’m writing this — the system is lying to you by telling you that you, individually, can make an impact on climate change, whether good or bad, to try and distract you from the real issues and who’s really at fault. Businesses are also trying to profit off this new activism.

What are some examples of this? Well, I’m sure everyone who’s aware of current Internet trends will have heard about the VSCO girl meme. You know, those girls who own hydroflasks, scrunchies, metal straws to “save the turtles!” and who the internet loves to make fun of? Those metal straws are the result of the previous controversy surrounding the banning of plastic straws. However, this ban was the most useless environmental activism I’ve ever seen.

Plastic straws make up 0.025% of plastic dumped in the ocean, whereas fishing nets make up 46%. But, of course, we can’t reform the fishing industry to make it more sustainable, or just ban it outright, of course. That wouldn’t be profitable now, would it? Instead of reform, the system places blame on your choices as an individual — for example, using a plastic straw. Even if you’re disabled, and need a single-use plastic straw to be able to drink — it’s you that’s killing the planet. If everyone is talking about this, it takes blame away from governments who are failing to act. Furthermore, businesses can profit off the desire to be “woke”: your metal straw you ordered off Amazon really isn’t as great for the planet as you think it is.

Another example is the pressure to go vegan after the fires in the Amazon, spread mostly by white vegans. “White vegans” is a general term I’ll use to describe vegans who care more about animals than people of colour, and you’ll probably have seen them around online — making Holocaust comparisons which compare Jewish people to cattle, shaming indigenous people’s cultural hunting practices, and ignoring the immigrants who work in terrible conditions to grow their avocados.

While yes, the Amazon is being cleared to farm cattle, and we should cut down on red meat consumption, it was also an act done by the fascist leader of Brazil, Bolsonaro, to try and clear away the indigenous people who live peacefully in the Amazon as they couldn’t be governed by his fascist regime. A lot of vegans who were so up in arms about the fires simply weren’t paying attention to the true reasons why. As well as this, white vegans ignore the many people who can’t go vegan — people with dietary requirements, or people who are too poor to afford enough vegan supplements to go vegan permanently — and act like it’s their fault that the planet is dying. It’s pretty obvious fake woke middle class activism, like Extinction Rebellion blocking eco-friendly Tube trains in low income areas of London, stopping people from going to work to feed their families. Not to mention those who support PETA, which is such a trainwreck of a charity it needs it’s own post.

The reason these kinds of people are so annoying is because they ignore the real, underlying issues — that are the fault of the system — and instead focus their activism efforts on the idea that you, individually, can make or break the planet. Sorry to burst your bubble but you aren’t going to make much of a difference.

I’d like to remind you all that 100 companies are responsible for 71% of greenhouse gas emissions. Therefore the other 7 billion of us together are responsible for the other 21% of global greenhouse gas emissions, and that each person is responsible for just 0.000000004142857% — or, in English, basically zero. Because, in the grand scheme of things, our carbon footprints are pretty much nothing, my or your individual impact isn’t going to make much of a difference. If someone can’t go vegan, or has to use a plastic straw, it’s not the end of the world. White vegans, please stop harassing them.

“Don’t have that attitude! If we all worked together, if we all made lifestyle changes, we could all make a difference! We could all fix this!”

Sorry to burst your bubble, but no we couldn’t. There are lots of right wing climate change deniers who refuse to make any sort of lifestyle change, so good luck getting them on board when the system still allows them to eat all the steak and drive all the cars they want. Besides, even if every single person reduced their carbon footprint, that wouldn’t take care of those 100 companies I mentioned earlier. It would be like putting a plaster on a bullet wound.

“There are benefits to lifestyle changes like going vegan and reducing plastic. You’re just bitter because you like chicken nuggets too much to actually make any meaningful changes.”

That is true. I do believe we should be reducing our carbon footprints as much as we can. My family eats a lot of vegetarian and vegan food, we recycle, we use green energy. I carry a reusable water bottle every day. If you can make lifestyle changes you definitely should — but if you can’t, you shouldn’t have to, and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad about something you can’t control, like your dietary needs, your disability, or your class and income. You also shouldn’t have to forgo your culture and traditions.

“Well, that sounds kinda depressing. If I can’t do anything, who can?”

The government. The system. Politicians. They’re the ones who have enough power, who’s decisions impact the most people. They’re also the ones who are doing the least, which is why we have people like Greta Thunberg, who are trying to tell the people in power that they need to do something.

And if they refuse to do anything, like they’re doing right now? Well, then it’s time for a revolution.

I’m in the middle of writing quite a few serious (I mean, as serious as my writing can be) pieces, so I need to do some lighter ranting to take my mind off it. Also, I’m procrastinating.

This list is the top 100 ships on Archive Of Our Own (a fanfiction site, in case you’re living under a rock) for 2019, and I’ll be reacting to them and adding my opinions. In ascending order (100-1) so I can react to some of the weirder ones before I do the typical ships you’d expect to be at the top. This isn’t my personal ranking, otherwise Sheith, Thorki, Bakudeku and Reylo would be much lower. Anyway, let’s get into it.

100. America/England, Hetalia

People are still into Hetalia? In 2019? You guys know new things have been made since like 2012 right

Honestly, I never got the appeal of this show. It’s just… they’re countries? Who are people? I guess it passed me by and was dismissed by everyone by the time I got online. Maybe if I was here in 2012 instead of just using the internet to play Animal Jam I’d have gotten into it a bit more.

99. Inquisitor/Solas, Dragon Age

I have never heard of this, so I googled it and apparently it’s a video game. You guys are writing fanfic about video games? Well fuck this list, I’m off to publish my Sims and Minecraft fanfics that have been sitting in my Google Drive for millennia.

98. Poe Dameron/Finn, Star Wars

Disappointing that Finnpoe is so low down on this list compared to other Star Wars ships that are really not as good (cough cough Reylo and Kylux cough cough) but at least they made it onto the list. My dreams of a Finnpoe endgame are slowly slipping away as TROS gets closer, and I’ve realised that Disney Hates Gays and don’t have the balls to put an actual gay couple on screen for fear of making China and Russia mad at them. At least there might still be hope for Finnrey.

97. Mary Morstan/John Watson, Sherlock

People actually ship this? People actually ship the forced het pairings? People actually write fanfic about the forced het pairings? Wow. Much to think about

96. Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Emmerdale

People actually ship pairings from soap operas? And write fanfic about them? People actually watch soap operas? Wow. Much to think about

In all seriousness, though, how many of the people writing these fics aren’t British? I’d really love to know

95. Kim Taehyung/Min Yoongi, BTS

The first BTS ship of many, and the first ship between real people who aren’t actually romantically involved of many. Sigh. But what else would I expect from the internet?

94. Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor, Queer As Folk

I googled the show and this couple is actually canon, which is good! I’m always ready to support canon LGBT couples. God knows we don’t have enough.

93. Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, Game Of Thrones

I know nothing about Game of Thrones other than dragon lady hot and final season bad, so you’ll have to bear with me. Having said that, aren’t these the two that are related in canon? I know there’s one pairing that this happened to. If they are, then… that’s not great.

92. Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz, Fall Out Boy

Apparently Fall Out Boy collabed with Macklemore recently. As in, this year. You guys doing okay? I mean, you really must not be doing okay if you still stan the emo trinity in 2019. Listen to Abba instead.

I’m going to get so many angry comments on this post if it ever blows up, and I’m going to be so happy about it.

91. Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada, Overwatch

I know nothing about Overwatch outside the “Maybe I’ll be Tracer” song from TikTok, so, no comment.

90. Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Hamilton

Of all the fandoms I’m glad I was never into, I think Hamilton is the one I’m most glad about never liking. Otherwise I’d probably be one of the 5889 people writing fic about racist slave owners who’ve been dead for three hundred years. I mean, I like history, but not that much.

Seriously, though. When you guys were writing your fics headcanoning them all as gay and trans, drawing your fanart of them with Hatsune Miku binder designs or whatever the fuck (a real post I’ve seen multiple times, so I know it wasn’t a fever dream or a hallucination) did you not realise that most of the Founding Fathers owned slaves? I don’t think Hamilton did (think, not know, because we never learnt this at school in the UK, we did the Battle of Hastings instead) but a very large proportion of the others did.

89. Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark, MCU

I know this was tagged as MCU, but it’s gotta be from the comics, right? Because I don’t think these two have ever had a single positive interaction in any of the movies. There’s really no romantic chemistry between them. Unless they could work on their relationship there’s no way they’d actually get together — brainwashed or not, Bucky did kill Tony’s parents.

Maybe if Tony hadn’t FUCKING DIED, they could’ve improved their relationship, since I would’ve liked to have seen some positive interactions between them as I do stan both of them. Sadly, that wasn’t to be. I’ll forever be mad at the Russos for that, and a million other things.

88. Clark Kent/Lex Luthor, Smallville

Yet another hero/villain ship. Next.

87. Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Attack On Titan

I have no idea who these people are because I haven’t seen AoT and don’t plan to because it was made by a Nazi, so, again, no comment.

86. Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Naruto

This isn’t the last time you’ll see this reaction picture in this post, let me tell you. Sasunaru totally deserves to be higher, in my opinion, but the fact that they’re on the list at all is still great. It’s what they deserve for (practically) inventing love.

85. Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Teen Wolf

I don’t know anything about Teen Wolf, but even just googling the cast list shows the massive age difference between the characters. This is pedophilia. No thanks.

84. Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Marvel Comics

I put comics in the title, because I’m trusting you guys to behave and only ship comics Spideypool where Peter is an adult, which is a valid ship. If I see anyone shipping MCU Peter (a teenager in high school) with Deadpool (an adult) I’m throwing hands. But for now I’ll give you all the benefit of the doubt, even though I know it’s probably not the case. Sigh.

83. Bucky Barnes/Reader, MCU

People are still writing and reading X readers? On AO3? In 2019? I thought we left those in the dark ages of Wattpad. I’m not surprised, though, that Bucky is one of the most popular characters for X readers, since he is one of the most popular characters despite having about five lines in the movies. When I used to read Marvel fanfic on Wattpad Bucky and Loki were always the most popular characters. Why those types? What’s the appeal in that?

But, then again, of all the varied and differing personalities of the characters in My Hero Academia I picked Bakugou to stan, so I can’t really talk.

82. Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.

I never watched AoS so I can’t comment, but I haven’t seen anything really bad about it, so that’s something. One of those M/F ships that is (I think) canon and one you wouldn’t expect to be so popular.

81. James Bond/Q, James Bond (Craig Movies)

Y’all are out here shipping people in James Bond? Damn, British culture has way more of a reach than I thought. I don’t remember the last time I watched a James Bond movie but I don’t think there was any real romance in the ones I’ve watched, especially not the kind you’d write fic about. Bait, one of my favourite podcasts that talks about queerbaiting, did an episode on this ship, so that’s something.

80. Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Yuri On Ice

People ship the side characters in Yuri On Ice? I thought it was just Victuuri that was popular. The more you know, I guess? Or, it could be just a side pairing that was in enough Victuuri fics that it made it onto the list.

I guess I just don’t remember any of the side characters other than Yuri Plisetsky because he’s feral and sort of reminds me of Bakugou. Can you guess which show I’m watching right now?

79. Arthur/Eames, Inception

Inception is the kind of movie I’d expect more people to talk about Letterboxd than AO3, but I guess people really will find gay ships in any media. I mean, people ship the characters in Lord of the Flies, for fuck’s sake (the most popular pairing is Jack and Ralph and most of the tag is full of smut. Yeah, I looked.) It’s in my watchlist, so when I watch it I’ll keep an eye out for the white gays.

78. Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph, Twenty One Pilots

This is giving me war flashbacks to Year 7 when I said Twenty One Pilots was my favourite band because I liked Stressed Out. That was a dark time.

77. Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg, The Sentinel

Another show I had to google because I’m apparently really out of touch. Or not, because it’s something weird from the 90s. Please watch Killing Eve and Fleabag.

76. Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Supernatural

This is the not romantic version, so hopefully that means that by 2019 we’ve all stopped shipping incest between brothers who are literally blood related. That, or my faith in humanity is misplaced and the romantic version is just higher up the list than I thought. We’ll have to see.

75. James Kirk/Leonard McCoy, Star Trek (Movies)

Movies or original series, I’ve read too much Spirk fanfic where Bones is the supportive friend who puts up with Jim’s bullshit/escalating feelings for Spock to get behind this. Spirk is better anyway.

74. Allison Argent/Scott McCall, Teen Wolf

I’ve never watched this show & I don’t plan to, so I can’t comment. They seem like just an ordinary straight couple, I guess?

73. Kim Taehyung/Park Jimin, BTS

More BTS. Can’t y’all get some taste and stan Loona instead?

72. Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter

Not gonna lie, all the endgame het ships JKR wrote were pretty bland and boring. I have no idea why 11 year old me was so obsessed with them. Luna and Ginny would’ve made a way better couple.

71. Jeon Jungkook/Min Yoongi, BTS

Seriously, do you guys just have no idea that band members have boundaries and don’t want to be shipped with people they aren’t romantically involved with? They’re people too!

70. Dean Winchester/Reader, Supernatural

Bucky I can understand, but Dean Winchester? He’s like, 40. I know I’m a lesbian, but I’m not blind. I can tell when men just aren’t attractive.

Since I’ve never actually read a X reader (I always found them kind of cringey and they never wrote X reader stories about women), I have to ask — do they really do that “y/n” thing with a straight face? I don’t think you could pay me to write that in a story unless I was taking the piss. It’s just become synonymous with those really bad imagines.

69. Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter

One of the major Harry Potter ships I could never get behind, mainly because I always hated Draco Malfoy. I guess I’ve always had some taste, then, because I’ve always hated that type of whiny, emo, angsty, kind-of-a-villain-but-not-quite white boy. All these characters have just been knock-off versions of Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

And yes, Keith from Voltron counts in this category. I never liked him, but not for any real reason. (I’m anticipating a lot of “Shut the fuck up, Bakugou stan” comments on this post, if I ever get the balls to publish it.)

68. Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, The X Files

I should really have watched The X Files by now. Can this list stop reminding me of shows I’ve been procrastinating on watching?

67. Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Dragon Age

Who knew this one game was so popular? I’d never heard of it before seeing this list. Is this just me? Is this game some massive cultural phenomena that just passed me by while I was still playing Animal Jam?

66. Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Haikyuu

Another show that I’ve been meaning to watch because everyone said it was good/gay. I always find the plots of sports animes boring, but they’re always the gayest. I guess the universe just hates me.

65. James Potter/Lily Evans, Harry Potter

Honestly, pretty boring. Sirius/Remus was always the best Marauders ship.

64. Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers, MCU

Make it gay, you cowards.

63. Belle/Rumplestiltskin, Once Upon A Time

God, that is a hard name to spell. I gave up on Once Upon A Time after the first season because it was pretty boring. Does it get better?

62. Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper, Sherlock

I thought everyone in the Sherlock fandom shipped John and Sherlock, but I guess not. The more you know.

Seriously though, what is the appeal of this? They’re barely even friends, and Sherlock is just a dick to Molly for most of the show. There’s really no romantic chemistry there.

61. Castiel & Dean Winchester, Supernatural

I don’t go here, but make it gay, cowards.

60. Loki/Tony Stark, MCU

I guess it’s slightly better than Thorki since they aren’t related, but what’s the appeal? Where’s the chemistry? Why can’t you guys stan Rhodeytony instead?

59. Aziraphale/Crowley, Good Omens

This just reminded me of how mad I was about the end of this show. It’s 2019, Neil! You can make them kiss! It’s okay!

It also sparked me to write one of my upcoming pieces, because it is in no way ever more important to have a story featuring an ambiguously gay ending that’s only accessible for my fellow LGBT people who’ve spent years training ourselves to pick up on subtext, or having the male characters stay as platonic friends, than it is for a story to feature confirmed, positive LGBT rep. Just MAKE IT GAY, YOU COWARDS!

58. Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Torchwood

I’ve been meaning to watch Torchwood for ages because I heard that these two actually become canon, which is great, but it would also give me war flashbacks to the time my German teacher played us a fanvid of this ship set to a song she was playing us instead of just, ya know, the music video. As the only gay kid in the class it was a little awkward.

57. Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Haikyuu

See 66.

56. Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, One Direction

And here we come to the One Direction ships. I was never into One Direction because I was a tomboy growing up who was also a lesbian but didn’t realise it, so I only really listened to female artists instead, so I can’t comment on the ships specifically. However, I will repeat my stance that shipping real people is wrong. They have boundaries & love lives too!

55. Frank Iero/Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance

If you’re going to write fanfic about real people/bands, at least write them about bands that aren’t emo. It’s 2019, can we all agree that everyone’s moved on from their emo phases? Can someone get onto Gorillaz fanfics instead, or do I have to do everything myself?

54. Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Doctor Who

Still the best Doctor Who ship — I literally cried over the finale of season 2 when they got separated into parallel universes, and I’d still read fanfic of this ship in 2019. They were my first real OTP and the first time I knew true pain.

53. Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, My Hero Academia

A solid ship. Not my favourite My Hero Academia ship, but they still have a solid dynamic and romantic chemistry that’s better than any forced het bullshit the show is trying to push forward. I literally saw someone on Twitter today shipping Todoroki with Uraraka, even though they’ve interacted once, or Todoroki and Momo who are just peak gay/lesbian solidarity. Momojirou for life.

52. Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, My Hero Academia

One of my favourite ships on this list and my favourite ship in MHA. As someone who wants good things for Bakugou, it’s pretty perfect, since his and Kirishima’s relationship is basically the only positive relationship he has with anyone. in the show. That means Kirishima is the only person I could see Bakugou getting together with, so it has to be my favourite. I’m pretty much only watching the show for Bakugou scenes and their interactions — I have no idea what’s happening with the plot at the moment.

The problem, though, is their tag on AO3 is basically just oneshots and them being a side pairing in fics for other ships (mostly in Tododeku fics). It’s kind of annoying, since I’d love at least a few more multi-chapter fics that only focused on them. I really do have to do everything myself, huh?

51. Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, The Hobbit

I have no idea what this means, since I have taste and I’m not a nerd. My dad keeps trying to make me watch the Lord of the Rings movies with him, especially when they always show them on TV around Christmas, but I never do. That’s three hours of my life I’m never getting back.

50. Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Supergirl

Finally some WLW content! I haven’t seen Supergirl (even though I probably should) but these two already sound great. From their names I’m getting hero/villain vibes, which I only like in WLW ships (Catradora, Eve x Villanelle) because they always do it better. Also, I’m gay and I like looking at hot female villains.

49. Mycroft Holmes/Lestrade, Sherlock

More Sherlock. Yay. I thought we as a society had moved on from Sherlock after Hbomberguy uploaded his excellent video essay Sherlock Is Garbage And Here’s Why and tore the entire show to shreds. At least, I did.

This ship I could never really get behind, even when I was into Sherlock back in the Dark Ages when I was 12 and didn’t know what good TV was. It just seems like a side ship, one that would be a lot more common in an ensemble show, when you want to pair up every single character in the background of your fic.

48. Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Harry Potter

This was always my favourite Harry Potter ship, back when all my ships were canon, endgame straight ships. Wow, what a long time ago that was. Now I don’t get this ship anymore — they’re just your average het couple. I think I only ever liked them because they were canon.

47. Captain Hook/Emma Swan, Once Upon A Time

When I gave up on Once Upon A Time after one season Captain Hook hadn’t been introduced yet, so I really can’t comment.

46. Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, My Hero Academia

I’ve never liked this ship and I don’t know why it’s so popular. It’s borderline abuse! Even though I am (unfortunately) a Bakugou stan and he has had some great character development, that doesn’t change the fact that he did use to bully Midoriya for pretty much his whole life. They still don’t like each other in the show and I really can’t see the romantic chemistry. If you actually like Midoriya and Bakugou and want them to have positive relationships, start shipping Tododeku and Kiribaku instead. Bakudeku is harmful and toxic for both of them, and shipping it forces me to believe you dislike both characters.

Too controversial?

45. Enjolras/Grantaire, Les Miserables

I never really got into Les Mis outside of seeing the movie (the one with Hugh Jackman) once, so I have no idea who these people are? Is one of them Eddie Redmayne? I have no idea.

44. Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Shameless

I’ve only vaguely heard of Shameless so, again, I don’t know who these people are. This Ian guy could be the secret third Gallagher brother and third member of Oasis for all I know.

43. Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, MCU

My opinions on MCU Clint can be summed up in that scene in Civil War where Clint tries to introduce himself and T’Challa replies “I don’t care”, which is similar to my opinion on Coulson, so I never cared for this ship. But are there really people still shipping this today? Are y’all still writing Avengers living together in Stark Tower AUs as well?

42. Jung Hoseok/Min Yoongi, BTS

How many BTS ships are there? I’ve already lost count. How do you guys even manage to pick a favourite? It sounds exhausting.

41. Harry Potter/Serverus Snape, Harry Potter.

Why is a relationship between a child and his teacher who hated him in canon 41st out of 100 on this list? Why are there over 10000 fanfics about it? Are all of them jokes? Why does anyone ship this? Why does it rank higher than Finnpoe, Sasunaru and Kiribaku? Am I living in the mirror universe? Did we all die in 2012 and is this hell? What did I do to deserve this? What did any of us do?

40. Peter Parker & Tony Stark, MCU

The one time I don’t want you to make it gay. Starkers are gross. Shipping a 50 year old man with a 16 year old child is literal pedophilia. It is not okay.

39. Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, MCU

It just seems like your average side het pairing, but it always made more sense in canon than Brutasha. Thorbruce has always been the better ship. Also, why do so many of these ships involve Clint? Do y’all actually like MCU Clint? I think you could replace him with a piece of cardboard with a bow and arrow and the movies wouldn’t feel any different.

38. Clarke Griffin/Lexa, The 100

Finally some more women! I’m 90% sure one of them died, though, which is why I don’t want to watch The 100. How many times do I have to say it — bury your gays is NOT revolutionary representation! It’s actually pretty damn harmful to LGBT people!

37. James Kirk/Spock, Star Trek

Spirk is such a good ship, not just because it pisses off dudebros who think the original Star Trek was never diverse, but also because it’s a great example of opposites attract, friends to lovers (in the original series) and enemies to lovers (in the movies), so I’m not surprised that it’s stood the test of time since the 60s. Judging by the amount of subtext in the originals they were supposed to be canon if homophobia wasn’t a thing, so someday I’m going to find a shit ton of money, remake the original series and finally give Jim and Spock what they deserve.

36. Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams, Hawaii Five-0

People write fanfic about HAWAII FIVE-0? This really is the mirror universe.

35. Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Once Upon A Time

Sadly, 35th is the highest a WLW ship makes it on this list. Even though I didn’t like Once Upon A Time, I have to give it to the fandom for making it this far up, at least.

34. Rodney McKay/John Sheppard, Stargate Atlantis

I can’t believe some other sci-fi white gays made it above Spirk. This isn’t fair.

33. Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, The 100

I don’t know anything about this show, but y’all would really ship an M/F ship when a WLW ship with one of the same characters is right there? Reminds me of the people who ship Momo and Todoroki when Momojirou is right there.

32. Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Arrow

I’m pretty sure I googled Felicity Smoak once because I was reading about my MBTI type (ENTP, if anyone cares) and she apparently shares my type. Other than that I don’t know anything about these superhero TV shows and I’m too lazy to do any proper research. Maybe I would’ve lower down on the list but at this point I’m getting bored.

31. Loki/Thor, MCU

Just because they aren’t blood related siblings, doesn’t mean they weren’t raised as siblings thinking they were blood related and you shouldn’t consider it incest! Adopted children are still a part of the families they’re adopted into!

30. Keith/Shiro, Voltron: Legendary Defender

Oh god, where do I begin with Sheith?

I’ll concede, it’s not technically incest/pedophilia, but if your ship is only not gross on a technicality you really need to sit down and take a long, hard look at yourself (the reaction picture I used for 31 also applies here).

Technically it isn’t incest, but they both consider themselves to be brothers, since Shiro half raised Keith and Keith literally says in one episode, “You’re my brother, I love you.” Technically it isn’t pedophilia but they met each other when Keith was about 12 and Shiro was 20. If they did end up in a relationship in the real world Shiro would most likely be accused of grooming Keith and would be sent to jail, because that’s a crime.

In the real world, no one who isn’t a pedophile/someone gross in general would date some they met when they were 12 & 20 once that person was older (not even that older, only 18/19, which is still pretty wrong morally, even if it isn’t in the law) after they’d half raised the other and when they both considered each other brothers. No sane person is going to let that happen, either. Just because your ship is okay on a technicality doesn’t mean it’s okay morally.

29. Rey/Kylo Ren, Star Wars

Great. We get three terrible ships in a row, all of which are higher up than Spirk, Kiribaku, Tododeku, Sasunaru and Finnpoe. Does no one have taste anymore?

Reylo is literally abusive, because Kylo and Rey have fought and tried to kill each other multiple times. It’s the Bakudeku problem all over again — they hate each other in canon and have got to hold a grudge, even if Kylo does get redeemed in a single movie. Also Kylo sucks and Rey deserves better. Shipping Rey with someone who’s tried to kill her multiple times has got to mean you hate her, and I won’t stand for that.

28. Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Star Wars

This one is slightly better than Reylo, I’ll admit, since at least Kylo and Hux are on the same side. But it’s just so boring! You have Finnpoe and Finnrey, ships featuring interesting and diverse characters, and you decide to write your fic about the boring, whiny white men? Really?

I despair for the Star Wars fandom. A part of me that’s getting larger and larger by the day hopes the fandom will tear itself apart after TROS so I never have to hear their bullshit and whining ever again.

27. Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Supernatural RPF

The Supernatural fandom clearly doesn’t have enough white guys to ship so they’re invading the boundaries and privacy of the actors playing the characters instead of, ya know, shipping characters. At this point I don’t know if shipping Sam and Dean romantically is worse than shipping the actors. That’s something for me to go away and think about.

26. Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Supernatural

At this point I’m just bored of Supernatural. Can y’all write for a different fandom now, I’ve had enough.

25. Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin, BTS

Yet more BTS. You’d think I’d actually have remembered who any of them are by now.

24. Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, X-Men

I’ve never actually seen an X-Men movie but I’ve seen some screencaps and shit floating around, and you know what? These two are valid. Let them play chess in peace.

23. Kim Namjoon/Kim Seokjin, BTS

I’m done

22. Levi/Eren Yeager, Attack On Titan

I haven’t seen AoT because of the Nazi thing, but isn’t this a pairing between a 40 year old and a teenager? Because yikes, that’s pedophilia. Reminds me of people shipping Roy Mustang and Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist, even though Roy is in his 30s and Ed is 15. I should make my own list of how many of these popular ships would be in jail if they existed in the real world.

21. Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, MCU

I’ve never really had a problem with this, and while I prefer Rhodeytony I still want good things for Tony regardless. They seem happy together, so I’ll allow it. They’re valid.

20. Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Miraculous Ladybug

I haven’t seen Miraculous but my friend has, and she tried to explain the love… square to me. Now I want to see it even less. That shit sounds complicated, so well done to you guys for understanding and putting up with it.

19. Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Harry Potter

The one Harry Potter ship I’d still read fic for today.

18. Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal

Why are y’all shipping this Will guy with a cannibal? What did he do? They must have a really good dynamic, then.

17. Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Glee

People are still into Glee in 2019? I have to admit, Glee passed me by, so I don’t really know if it’s some amazing quality show I’ve been missing out on my whole life. I’ve never really wanted to catch up, though, because this guy’s name is Blaine. That’s his name.

16. Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Phandom

I guess Dan and Phil both coming out this year must’ve really added fuel to you guys’ weird ass fire, huh? I was never into Phan but the Phandom weirded me out because they always seemed so obsessed with trying to prove that these two guys who repeatedly said they weren’t together were actually together. I guess some things never change.

15. Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock

Just make it gay, goddamnit!

14. Min Yoongi/Park Jimin, BTS

There’s more. Holy shit, there’s more.

13. Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung, BTS

This has to be it, right? Right?

12. Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin

Is Merlin even worth the watch when you know it’s queerbait?

11. Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Shadowhunters

I never really got into Shadowhunters, but I heard these two got married, so, good for them!

10. Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Yuri On Ice

You know what? I miss Yuri On Ice. When’s the movie coming out when apparently they’re getting married? I’m off to read one of the 22000 fics and cry like I did when they kissed.

9. Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Supernatural

My faith in humanity was definitely misplaced. There are 26000 fics written about two brothers who are related by blood. It’s in the top 10 in a list out of 100. There are so many better ships on this list that deserve to be this high up. I hate humanity.

8. Keith/Lance, Voltron: Legendary Defender

I almost included the “finally some good fucking food” reaction pic here for nostalgia because god damn, I miss them. When I was into Voltron Klance was always my favourite ship, and I still love their rivals to lovers dynamic. They totally deserve to be so high on the list, and the show really did them dirty. I’m now off to reread Dirty Laundry as well. (All my fellow ex-Klance stans, who else remembers Dirty Laundry?)

7. Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, MCU

I never really cared for Stony. Stucky, Rhodeytony (no I won’t shut up about Rhodeytony, it’s a great ship) and Ironstrange were always my preferences when it came to Steve and Tony.

6. Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, One Direction

Not to beat the dead horse that is Shipping Real People Bad, but I’m pretty sure Harry Styles once said that Larry shippers ruined his friendship with Louis Tomlinson. Are y’all proud of yourselves?

5. Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter

Never really got into it since it has the same dynamic as Dramione which I also never liked, but at least it’s gay, and Harry and Draco do interact a lot more and Draco is Simon Snow levels of obsessed with Harry for most of the series. Hey, maybe I could get behind this after all.

4. Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, MCU

This was always my favourite MCU ship, as they have the best dynamic and were the most likely to actually become a couple. I recognise, now I’m less naive, that that was at least a little bit because we were all being queerbaited. Even so, the movies where Steve and Bucky’s relationship was a major focus, like the Captain America trilogy, still hold up as the gayest movies in the franchise. Steve’s ending in Endgame made me so mad because of it’s disregard for Bucky, but Endgame is going to have it’s own post because it makes me so mad.

3. Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Teen Wolf

As far as I can tell these characters are the same age and I’m tired so I don’t really care anymore

2. Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock

The spectre of Superwholock will haunt the internet forever, so it’s no surprise that Johnlock and Destiel are still ranked so highly despite the fact that no one I know has thought about either for years. I actually watched Sherlock and actually shipped Johnlock, although pretty passively compared to a lot of other people, since Doctor Who was my main focus when I was into Superwholock. It was never really my favourite ship but it’s alright I guess?

1. Castiel/Dean Winchester, Supernatural

I was never into Supernatural, as I said beforehand, since it didn’t air live in the UK and when I was into Superwholock I was 12 and didn’t know what pirating was. Judging from the fandom, y’all got massively queerbaited, but, then again, so did the Sherlock fandom with Johnlock. They were never going to make it canon.

They were going to make any of them canon.

Sense8. One Day At A Time. Everything Sucks. Tuca and Bertie. The Get Down. You might have seen a show you love here, and if so, you’ll recognise the pattern – they’re all excellent shows with wide viewership that were cancelled by Netflix.

All of these shows featured diverse casting and representation as well as being excellent and well made. They were relatable to many people who watched them because of this. They featured diversity in front of and behind the camera which helped to make them so authentic.

For example, Tuca and Bertie was made by a woman, which is incredibly rare for adult animation, and the show portrayed women in such a realistic way. I really related to both of the protagonists because they were written so well. Tuca’s feelings of inadequacy and thoughts that she was depending too much on Bertie, and Bertie’s breakdown at the grocery store, were both things I’d felt and experienced.

The problem is, shows like this are always the ones being cancelled. But what are Netflix using their money to create? Shows like 13 Reasons Why, which has been pulled apart so many times flawed because of its triggering scenes and disregard of mental health, no matter how much the creators say it’s trying to “spread awareness”. As well as 13RW, there’s Riverdale, which has less explicitly problematic elements but is so badly written I can’t watch it without physically recoiling. You’d think with all that money they’re spending on it, they could afford some better writers!

Although there is an audience for Riverdale who will lap up any garbage given to them by Netflix and the CW, I haven’t seen any sort of fanbase for 13RW. The only times I ever see it mentioned is when people call out how terrible it is. However, shows like ODAAT had very committed fanbases, which was shown by the outpouring of support and calls for renewal after it was cancelled, which led to it being picked up by Pop TV.

Netflix’s major problem is that it’s focusing on renewing and promoting the wrong shows. Another example is Queer Eye, an LGBT show that is highly promoted – because it has a large straight audience. Other LGBT shows are left alone and recommendations can only be spread by word of mouth. Shows that have been cancelled are so much better in quality, but because of a lack of promotion are often ignored by viewers. This is not the shows’ fault. They should not be cancelled for this.

Yes, this entire post was written because I’m pissed that Netflix cancelled Tuca and Bertie recently. However, this led me to noticing the disturbing trend I’ve been talking about. The truth is, all these shows feature minorities behind and in front of the camera, and they are all being cancelled. Their portrayals were relatable for these minority groups, which is what makes it so sad. All of these shows deserve better than Netflix. They deserve better than the current TV industry.

So, Marvel have announced the Phase 4 titles, and I’m freaking out, to put it lightly. Marvel have finally realised that women, PoC and LGBT people are people too (or just that after the massive success of Black Panther and other diverse films like Crazy Rich Asians and Get Out that diversity is profitable, if you want the cynical take on it). Either way, I’m very excited for the slate of new releases.

Releases with dates and casts/crew

Black Widow – May 1, 2020

Hopefully this movie should finally do Black Widow justice. I mean, it has to be better than Endgame where Nat was killed off, then given a one minute funeral where Bruce threw a bench into a lake, then I don’t think she was mentioned again for the rest of the movie. It’s going to be directed by a woman, Cate Shortland, and stars Rachel Weisz, Florence Pugh (from Midsommar), and David Harbour as a character called Alexei – that irony isn’t lost on me or anyone else who’s seen Stranger Things 3.

The Eternals – November 6, 2020

Looking up the Eternals involves lots of complicated lore I can’t really summarise here, something about a nearly immortal race of humans with super strength. But, honestly, I don’t care about the plot, because the diversity of the cast is so excellent. It’s directed by Chloé Zhao and stars Angelina Jolie, Richard Madden, Kumail Nanjiani, Salma Hayek, Brian Tyree Henry, Ma Dong-seok, Lia McHugh and Lauren Ridloff as the MCU’s first deaf superhero! It’s sad it couldn’t be Clint, but I’m still happy.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings – February 21st, 2021

Shang-Chi is a kung fu master from China, which might seem a bit tame considering the previous film has super humans from the beginning of humanity, but this film has promise. It’s being directed by Destin Daniel Cretton and stars Simu Liu, Awkwafina (who I loved in Ocean’s 8) and Tony Leung. If the title sounds familiar, Leung is also playing The Mandarin. The cast is amazing, it thankfully hasn’t been whitewashed like another Marvel movie I could mention, and I’m sure the premise will grow on me.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness – May 7th, 2021

I’m gonna be honest here – I didn’t really like the first Doctor Strange. It doesn’t rank high on my list of favourite MCU movies and I just found it a bit boring. Apparent this is an unpopular opinion, as lots of people say “Stop sleeping on Doctor Strange!!!” but I think some movies should be slept on because they aren’t very good. Scott Derrickson is returning to direct – great – and Benedict Cumberbatch and Elizabeth Olsen star – great. You want my honest, honest opinion? A plank of wood with no lines could replace Olsen and Wanda Maximoff’s entire character and it wouldn’t make a difference to the movie. I’m not that excited about this one.

Thor: Love and Thunder – November 5th, 2021

This was the movie I was most excited about for Phase 4. Thor: Ragnarok is one of my favourite MCU movies – and movies, period – and I’m a Thor stan, so I’m very happy with this news. With Taika Watiti returning to direct and to write, Valkyrie to be an openly bisexual Queen of Asgard, and Jane Foster to be female Thor, this movie just keeps getting better and better. It might even end up being better than Ragnarok, especially if Loki and Bruce return.

Confirmed, but no release dates

Guardians of the Galaxy 3

James Gunn has been rehired to direct, even after he received backlash for those gross tweets earlier in the year. 2014 Gamora from Endgame was also confirmed to have survived Tony’s snap, so this will probably involve them trying to find her.

Captain Marvel 2

I don’t know anything about this but more Brie Larson being badass & not giving a shit about what men think of her? Hell yes.

Black Panther 2

Ryan Coogler is apparently returning to direct, so hopefully this one should be good.

Blade

I know nothing about this from the comics, but Mahershala Ali is going to be in this, so I have high hopes. Blade is apparently a half vampire who hurts vampires. His first  appearance involves him killing Dracula. I’m not sure how this is going to work with the MCU’s tone, but I guess we’ll see.

Fantastic Four

After the failures of both Fantastic Four movies, does anyone really want this? And who can they even get to make this?

X-Men

I’m guessing that now Disney owns Fox, who have the rights to the X-Men, that Marvel Studios will use this opportunity to try & remake the X-Men franchise that has never really lived up to the MCU.

Disney+ Shows

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier – Fall 2020

More Sambucky content! I need this, especially after Endgame when all my hopes for Stucky were crushed. Also, more Bucky content! Maybe Marvel will finally care about him. We’ll get our first look at Sam as Captain America, which will be amazing. Honestly, I’m just hyped for Bucky/Sambucky content outside Archive Of Our Own, I don’t care about the quality of the show.

WandaVision – Spring 2021

I’m going to speak candidly here – I don’t like Wanda or Vision at all. They’re both planks of wood without personalities, so they’re basically made for each other. I thought this would be the show I’d skip, but apparently Teyonah Parris is playing an adult Monica Rambeau. I guess I’ll have to watch it then. Even though the title is dumb and so’s the logo.

Loki – Spring 2021

I used to hate Loki. He was the same type of villain as Snape and Kylo Ren, with greasy black hair, bad motivations, daddy issues and were loved by their fandoms. Now, though, I’ve accepted that he’s just a dramatic goth gay bitch (who’s actually genderfluid & bi in the comics) and I respect that. So, I will be watching this, even though the logo is also terrible. Can Marvel really not afford a better graphic designer?

What If? – Summer 2021

This is an animated show (interesting) with many actors across the MCU – they better get some good ones – and Jeffrey Wright as the Watcher, an alien from a race who observe the universe. I’m guessing he’ll be narrating, since the Watchers swore an oath not to interfere. Apparently there’s going to be a storyline where Peggy gets the serum instead of Steve, which should be cool to watch.

Hawkeye – Fall 2021

Kate Bishop! Kate Bishop!! KATE BISHOP!!! I wanted a Ms Marvel movie, but beggars can’t be choosers, so I will accept Kate with lots of excitement. Clint starring, though, will be a bit boring, to be honest. MCU!Clint isn’t exactly the most interesting character especially compared to comics!Clint and what he could’ve been. Oh well, I will live with it for Kate.

Normally I don’t post about LGBT discourse but I’ve had to start today, because this is still something that has to be said. I guess the internet will never run out of clowns.

There has been a bit of a controversial opinion going around on LGBT Twitter. That is, as the title says, that “bisexual lesbian” is a valid label and not a complete oxymoron.

As a lesbian myself, I found this the complete opposite of a hot take. I’ve struggled with my identity and attraction – or, rather, lack thereof – to men since I realised I might be a lesbian, as well as experiencing compulsory heterosexuality (or as it’s more commonly know, comp het) that made me fully question my sexuality and think I was bi at some points. Despite all this, I’ve identified as a lesbian for nearly a year and a half now.

This is why this new… opinion (I’m not really sure what to call it) makes me so angry. It is equally harmful to both bi women and lesbians, while making WLW questioning their identity, like I was for so long, even more confused.

Bi women are being told by this that they have to pick a side or that they’re just confused, as using lesbian and bisexual in the same label implies that bi women who have a preference for women need an entirely new label, or that they’ve picked a side – liking women. This reinforces old biphobic rhetoric that I thought we as a community had moved on from.

Lesbians are being told that it’s possible for them to like men, which is a huge problem since anyone who uses the label lesbian has no attraction to men. I feel so comfortable with the label lesbian because it’s the one label that does not involve attraction to men. I need that. I have no attraction to men whatsoever, and I need a label like lesbian. It also reinforces lesbophobic rhetoric that lesbians just haven’t met the right man, which, again, I thought this community had left behind.

It’s also a complete oxymoron as you simply cannot be a lesbian – a woman/woman aligned person who is solely attracted to other women – and bisexual – someone who experiences attraction to men. Normally, I’d ignore the “words have meanings!¡!” argument because it’s usually used by truscum because they don’t understand nonbinary lesbians and isn’t backed up by any other evidence or any sort of argument, but this time I have to.

Saying these things, which make it seem like lesbians can be attracted to men, is incredibly harmful to us. No lesbian wants attention from a man who has sexual or romantic intentions. Corrective r*pe has affected lesbians when men try to “turn them straight” and is a horrific ordeal. The concept of bisexual lesbians is increasing this lesbophobic rhetoric that lesbians can have attraction to men or can be “turned straight”, which could lead to an increase in corrective r*pe.

From what I can gather (although the supporters of this seem to have no real arguments at all), the main argument for the adoption of this term is that labels and sexuality are fluid. This is fine – if you don’t want to identify with a label I respect that, as certain people can find them restrictive. However, some of us like to use labels, and don’t want people for whom those labels aren’t for to use them.

A more extreme example of this is if straight people started using the Q slur as a label, as some LGBT people have started to do. LGBT people can reclaim this slur if they want to, but for straight people to do that would be out of line as it was never used as a slur against them. They cannot reclaim it or use it as a label. A bit like a bi woman, who has attraction to men, using the label lesbian.

There is also a double standard in that people have been saying for a long time that lesbian is too restrictive and we shouldn’t block off the possibility of being attracted to men, or some other bullshit. These people also use the Q slur as a label, which I personally disagree with very much, but that’s a topic for another post. Now, these people are saying that non lesbians can use the label, which is the same sort of backward rhetoric.

Firstly, if you’re not a lesbian, please stop telling us who can & can’t use our label and any problems you have with it. Actual lesbians are fine with it. Secondly, this double standard is basically saying that identifying as a lesbian is a bad thing, unless it’s convenient for your shitty rhetoric about how all labels should be fluid & sexuality should always be fluid, or whatever y’all are arguing.

There is also an argument that draws from LGBT history, that because bisexual is a relatively new term and in the past any woman who liked women used the term lesbian. Well, guess what? It isn’t the past anymore! Y’all can use the term bisexual now if you’re attracted to more than one gender.

Also, yes, words can change meanings and language evolves, but we’re all pretty happy with the meaning of the word lesbian! Can we please have just one word for ourselves? It’s not much (because butch and femme are too much to ask for)!

There’s also the good ol’ split attraction model argument. In my opinion, the split attraction model is valid for ace & aro people to use. For example, someone might be asexual and biromantic, so they’d have to use the split attraction model to define their identity. However, for those of us who experience sexual attraction, splitting sexual and romantic attraction can stop lesbians figuring out their identity and being confused by comp het, and gives us terms like biromantic homosexual, which is simply incorrect. You cannot be homosexual if you experience any sort of attraction to the opposite gender.

According to a tweet I found, bisexual lesbian doesn’t make people think lesbians are attracted to men. So, what is the point of the term? I really hope someone angrily comments under this post that I’ve completely misunderstood it, because I don’t understand why people are trying to use this term. No one seems to be able to tell me what the actual meaning of it is.

I’m done looking at bullshit on Twitter for the night, and I think I’ve covered everything, so I’m about to rush a conclusion. The term bisexual lesbian is harmful to lesbians and bi women, an oxymoron, could make more non lesbians think that lesbians can be attracted to men or turned straight, and is confusing to young lesbians trying to figure out their identity when they’re confused by comp het.

God, I need a break from Twitter.

Part 1: Taken from my Letterboxd and spoiler free.

I feel like I have pretty low standards for MCU movies, because I love them all, so I liked this one. It was funny and sweet, a little messy, but with great action scenes.

Jake Gyllenhaal’s Mysterio was a great villain (as well as being hot) and he was one of my favourite parts of the movie. It suffered a little from being the second movie in a trilogy, which is pretty hard to get around unless the movie is very good (like The Winter Soldier) but Far From Home was trying it’s best and it did pay off. The mid credits scene was a plot twist (and cemented Mysterio as one of the better MCU villains – his impact is not going to last just one movie) and sets up the third movie in Spider-Man’s trilogy well, while featuring a great cameo – go watch it and trust me on that. I just can’t believe Marvel are gonna make me wait two more years to find out how Peter’s going to deal with the fallout.

Peter & MJ’s budding romance was also pretty adorable, and I can’t say I didn’t ship them at least a little bit during Homecoming. Overall, although the negative reviews of this movie have a point, I would definitely give it a chance.

Part 2 – contains major spoilers.

Here are my reactions & thoughts in a list

• The Tony Stark references, even the video at the beginning, made me so sad because he’s gone 😦
• Although him calling his AI EDITH which stands for Even Dead I’m The Hero made me laugh because, classic Tony
• Then I went back to crying
• I really deluded myself for a moment thinking Mysterio would be a mentor/father figure for Peter because their dynamic was so cute for all of five minutes
• Although I think Happy might become a sort of mentor to Peter instead (I’m not going to say the f words because then Marvel will kill him off & I do NOT want that)
• Mysterio’s origin exposition dump nearly made me laugh because he’s literally a Tony anti in human form
• He then got beaten & killed by Peter, a Tony stan in human form, so… that’s pretty telling
• MJ & Peter were so cute and awkward and I love them so much
• Her favourite flower being the black dahlia because of the murder is iconic, and MJ definitely watches BuzzFeed Unsolved
• Now let’s talk about the mid credit scene because, in Peter’s words, WHAT THE FU-
• Mysterio may have been dead but I would bring him back to life just to kill him again because no one fucks with Peter Parker on my watch
• Yes, I would even punch Jake Gyllenhaal’s perfect face
• Peter’s gonna have a hell of a time dealing with that in the next movie (Spider-Man: Homeless)
• IF MJ BREAKS UP WITH PETER BECAUSE OF IT-
• The Daily Bugle being Info Wars & J. Jonah Jameson being Alex Jones isn’t what I expected but I’m on board

That’s all, I think, but overall I did enjoy it.

After a nearly two year long hiatus, Stranger Things has returned with it’s third season. I loved season one, but season two wasn’t great. Season one seemed to be where the show peaked, but I still had hopes for season three. I did like it, for the most part, but there was one big, glaring aspect I didn’t like and couldn’t ignore.

I used to want the shows I loved to be renewed for season after season, but I’ve now realised it’s better for shows to quit while they’re ahead. After Voltron’s decline in it’s later seasons I’m glad She-Ra is only getting four seasons, so it can go out as good as it started. What happens to a lot of shows after a few seasons is that they start to run out of steam and ideas, then they just get worse and worse as more and more seasons of garbage are made as the fanbase who’d lap up anything beg for more. 

That may be extreme, but it’s looking like the way Stranger Things is starting to go. 

One of the reasons I loved Stranger Things season one was the two conflicts. You had the supernatural horror of the Demogorgon and the Mind Flayer as well as the realistic horror of a shady government department who started all this shit by carrying out experiments on children inspired by MK Ultra, and had the authority to cover it up afterwards. These two conflicts intertwined excellently – the supernatural horror gave the show it’s exciting premise, while the realistic horror kept it grounded in reality, as everything that Hawkins Lab did was completely in character for how a government would act. All this set against a nostalgia heavy backdrop of Eggo waffles and synth pop made for an excellent show – circa season one.

After season two, however, we hit a snag. Sure, the Mind Flayer was still looming over Hawkins to set up a season three, so we still had paranormal horror, but where was the realistic horror? Hawkins Lab had been shut down and the cover up had been revealed. These two elements needed to intertwine for the show to keep to it’s original premise, otherwise there’d be no way for the Mind Flayer to return without some kind of meddling government force.

Now, another thing I liked about the realistic horror elements of Stranger Things was that they came from the US government. The kids circa season one probably weren’t expecting their own government to be so evil, so it was a nice wake up call for them. I also love conspiracy theories so the shady experiments thing was right up my street.

Why am I taking so long to get to the point with this? Firstly, because i’m trying to bulk up this post, since my BoRhap review was 500+ words and I don’t know if I can write that much on a single point. Secondly, though, the replacement for Hawkins Lab was not my favourite thing on the show (and i’ve weirdly seen no one talk about this even though it was pretty bad?). There are now evil Soviet assassins in a tiny town in Indiana who hide out in the mall and attack children.

To be fair, I did love the scientist guy, Alexei, who gets basically kidnapped by Joyce and Hopper but comes along with them, realises capitalism isn’t so bad, and gets a crush on Bauman, the conspiracy theorist. But the entire concept really rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, I am being coy with stating my opinion, but I’ve seen literally no one talking about this. I guess I’ll have to be the first.

The first scene of the season features these new Russians. It isn’t explicitly mentioned until a few minutes later, but as soon as these new characters came on screen I realised who they were (maybe it’s because I’ve rewatched Chernobyl too many times) and I just sat there and thought, are they really gonna do this? A lazy, overused, stereotypical trope of “the evil Russian commie spies” 

It is the Cold War, but come on – what are Russian spies doing in Indiana, in a small town, and hiding out in the mall, no less? How did they even find out about the gate and why did they want to open it? Oh, wait – probably to make the Russians look like stereotypical bad guys. The general even does a Darth Vader style choke when one of his underlings pisses him off. It all just feels so… typical, cliched. The Russian assassin seems straight out of today’s news stories, and the kids have gone straight back to being patriotic and doing things for America. I guess that makes sense considering the series is set around the Fourth of July.

That being said, I did like the season. Season one was still my favourite, but if you ignore the Russian spies (except for Alexei, he was adorable) and focused on the rest of it, it was enjoyable. Robin completely stole my heart and she was one of my favourite characters – I was torn between shipping her with Steve and headcanoning her as WLW. I thought the former was more likely to come true, but to my pleasant surprise it was the latter. with robin coming out to steve and him being supportive, as well as some very choice lines hinting at Will’s sexuality, it was a great season for LGBT fans. 

I also cried four times – Will destroying Castle Byers, Robin coming out to Steve, Alexei dying and Hopper “dying”. If he isn’t bought back in season four I’ll be throwing hands. I’m also excited to see where they go from the ending for season four – if it were up to me, I’d have less Mileven and more Jopper, and I’d give Will a boyfriend and Robin and Steve girlfriends. Yes, I have a lot of opinions on ships.

I felt like I was being too negative in this review. The Russian spies were only a small element of a larger season which was very good, and much better than season two. If I were giving it a star rating, it would be 3.5. If there were less Russians then it would get a four (I’m not completely spineless enough to retract all my criticism).

Taken from my Letterboxd.

Well, fuck. Where do we begin with this?

It’s possible to enjoy this movie, if you’re a straight, casual viewer who doesn’t care about Freddie Mercury and likes to sing along half heartedly to Queen’s greatest hits when they play on the radio. I even enjoyed it first time around, when I knew nothing about Queen or looking deeper into films, but once I found out even a little more about those things, I realised that this movie is a pile of garbage. 

It’s message? Being gay will ruin your life and you need to rely on your straight friends to fix you and save you (yes, the entire movie and all the major characters apart from Freddie have major straight saviour complexes). It’s also very factually inaccurate – Freddie was not the first of the band members to have a solo career and his solo career didn’t majorly split the band, for example, and his AIDS diagnosis didn’t happen until 1987, not during 1985. These inaccuracies seem to be deliberate, as they make Roger and Brian, the two Queen members who were involved in this trainwreck, seem like better people than Freddie. This is horrible as Freddie didn’t have the chance to express his own story in this movie – he had to rely on others, who did a terrible job.

The straight saviour complex that I mentioned earlier is very strong. Freddie’s sexuality is portrayed as his downfall, and him exploring it with other gay men and the gay community at large ruins his life and breaks apart the band. He then needs to apologise and beg for forgiveness from the straight members of the band, despite the fact that Freddie didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, Freddie making any decision that wasn’t completely what the rest of the band wanted – him wanting to play pop music or throw parties – is seen as a mistake that needs to be apologised for instead of a personal choice that’s Freddie’s business alone. Even him not having a family is seen as shameful, when at the time he couldn’t have just settled down with a man, like the other band members could’ve started a family with a woman.

This movie is a disgusting excuse for LGBT representation and ruins the incredible story of an LGBT icon. Not only was it directed by a pedophile, full of inaccuracies, terribly written and full of cliche after cliche, with had some prosthetic teeth that should never have made it onto the set, it has the underlying message that Freddie being gay ruined his life and he needed to apologise to his straight friends for it. As an LGBT person myself, it’s particularly painful to watch.

I’m glad it was disqualified from the GLAADs because of Bryan Singer, since this movie shoves a middle finger at LGBT people and anyone who appreciates Freddie Mercury and Queen full stop – well, what they were actually like.

Also, how the hell did it win all those best editing Oscars when I could’ve edited it better on fucking iMovie?

Okay, now block me, Brian May. I fucking dare you.